Even before the current US economic crisis the Bobcats were widely regarded throughout the League as one of the most frugal franchises in professional sports. Now that hard times have fallen upon once booming Charlotte, the ‘Cats have begun showing signs of a failing organization. So with the loss of several front office jobs and a continually glooming economic forecast, what should Bobcats fans expect next out of our favorite bargin-bin franchise? Bobcats Baseline speculates on tomorrow’s headlines…
1. DJ Augustin Promoted to Backup PG/RUFUS LYNX
Why not? Augustin fits the height requirement and he loves being the center of attention. He smiles a lot and likes kids. Congrats DJ!!!
2. Emeka Okafor Given Duel Title of Starting Center/CFO (Chief Financial Officer)
Hey ‘Mek! Remember that finance/economics degree that you nailed in three years at UCONN. Well, its time to put it to use. Think of it as a form of OJT. Plus you get to write yourself up to $72 million in checks!
3. Alexis Ajinca Promoted to Project PF/Special Dietary & Nutrition Coach
Alexis, we here at the Bobcats organisation understand that you are horrendously malnourished – but considering that you are foriegn and have a strange last name, we just assumed that you were poor. Well, now that you have some first-round money in a shiny modern city we’d like for you to take some of that knowledge of real hunger and communicate it effectively to our chubbs starting Power Forward Sean May. Merci Beaucoup.
4. Sean May Named Starting PF/Director of Concessions
We’re hedging our bets here Sean. If the poor starving foriegn kid can’t convince you to take a break from “eating for the cycle” every meal, then we’re gonna channel that insatiable appetite into something productive. You are gonna make sure all of the concession food here at Time Warner Arena is up to your standards: Y’know, full of trans fats and artificial flavoring while completely devoid of anything nutritional. Just like your favorite snack, “Crab Bread!”
5. Raymond Felton Promoted to Starting PG/Director of Promotions
This one was easy. Ray is already an expert at give-aways and he may have another position someday in the front office analyzing employee turnover.