Bobcats Look To Ride Twilight Vampire Craze


Bobcats Looking To Sign Another Forward

The Charlotte Bobcats continue their efforts to build depth and find quality role players this summer. The Arizona Republic and The Charlotte Observer have reported that the team has been in contact with Phoenix Suns free agent Louis Amundson. If the team were successful in signing Amundson, this could signal further shifts to the Bobcats roster.

Who Is Louis Amundson?

Okay, so you look at Louis Amundson and the first thing that comes to mind is “Vampire”, right? I expected to run a Google search and find a heartwarming, local newspaper article about how he’s worked hard to overcome the bias and adversity of adjusting to the US since his arrival from Transylvania. Over the past two seasons he’s been praised for his hard work on the court with the Phoenix Suns, but his extensive efforts to wear that mouthpiece and pretend to be a normal human are never recognized.

It appears that the Bobcats may be in line to capitalize on circumstances that will follow Amundson throughout his NBA “life.” The 6’9″ forward/vampire is destined to spend his entire career on the move, hoping no one will notice that he never ages. After breaking into the NBA from the D-League, he played just one game for Utah before heading East to avoid the suspicious eye of Jazz coach Jerry Sloan (estimated to be 95 yrs old).  Amundson  spent the following two NBA seasons working to learn the intricacies of modern human life and the dynamics of a team locker room with the Philadelphia 76ers. This experience prepared him for a more productive role with the Phoenix Suns.


After the November 2008 release of the highly anticipated first Twilight film, Amundson realized that America embraced and celebrated his kind. His new sense of comfort began to show immediately. Over the next few months, he thrived in a more vampire-appropriate pace of offense with Phoenix. It could be argued that as he got more minutes on the court, his teammates actually began to run faster on the break just to get distance from him. It’s been speculated that after his first season, the Suns were forced to trade away Shaq after coach Alvin Gentry reviewed hours of game footage and noticed the way Amundson would watch O’Neal as slow and easy prey.

Now that Louis Amundson is once again looking to relocate and avoid suspicion, Charlotte hopes that he can invigorate their front line or at least give Larry Brown the gift of immortality. In order to compete with the other teams courting Louis Amundson, the Cats could offer him on an incentive-based contract to keep the base salary numbers low, as well as encourage Amundson to avoid biting season ticket holders or Rufus, the team mascot.

Notes : Louis Amundson may not be an actual vampire. My initial guess had him as a big man from somewhere in Europe. That, too, is probably wrong. It looks like Amundson was born in California, grew up in Colorado, and went to college at UNLV.  He was not an actor in The Lost Boys. Who knew?


36 thoughts on “Bobcats Look To Ride Twilight Vampire Craze

  1. Tyler

    i think i figured out a trade tht would work
    we trade Erik Dampier for Darren Collinson and Emeka Okafor and then in a seperate trade to help NO more we give DJ and Boris for Posey

  2. Brett

    I didn't want to say anything, but all these ludicrous suggestions have forced my hand.

    1. Understand you fools, that a team will ALMOST NEVER trade away a young talent with a bright future on a cheap contract. So that should end the absurd speculation that we might get Javale McGee to go along with Gil. Also Darren Collison? no way the hornets give him up to us. As for the CP3 rumors, realize that Portland offered Brandon Roy and some pieces for CP3. They declined. What could we possibly give NOH for Paul? Wallace is getting older and people like Diop and Dampier have little to no value evidenced by the fact that the Mavs couldn't land the star they wanted with Dampiers waive clause. Diop is a black hole of a contract no one wants him. Also Mo Williams and Varejo ot us? No Way in hell we could pull that off. Keep the trade talk realistic. The trades in this league must be close to fair in order to actually take place. THese unrealistic scenarios simply can not happen.

  3. Tyler

    listen up buddy u have no right to call anybody a fool u have no freaking idea wat the Wizards or Hornets will trade so listen up FOOL u arent a NBA genius u dnt kno wat any teams are thinking express ur opinion without makeing a jerk out of urself

  4. RobC

    Brett –

    I understand that getting that many of these trades are not realistic (1.e. CP3). However, you are actually making a fool of your self with your comments. Also, remember that this is a blog where everyone express their opinions without disrespecting others.

    On the other hand, your assumption about a trade for CP3 or Collison might be right, but you are "DEAD WRONG" with your assumption about McGee. Why?

    During the last 2 seasons, Washington have been trying (almost beggin) for some one to take Gilbert Arenas contrat (almost 4 Years/$80 Millions) and nobody is willing to do so. At this point, they are in rebuilding mode, which makes it almost an obligation to get rid of such an expensive player, who has been injured and whom they DON'T NEED AT ALL. That means Washington will be forced to either give up a little something (i.e. McGee or Blatche, 1 of the 2) or take an equally horrible contract, or a mix of both. If you listen to any NBA news, at least once a month, you would know that Blatche is te most likely candidate to be sent out (Flip Saunders don't like him) and McGee is the only other player teams could be interested in. Meaning that any team including the Bobcats could use that risky opportunity (getting Arenas is a risk), to get a guy like Blatche or McGuee, while unloading Diops contract as well (Diops contract eventhough is horrible, is a fraction of Arenas contract); and just FYI, Arenas will be as useless for Washington, as Diop is for any team, so is a savings opportunity for Washington, plus Diop's contract ends a year earlier. Washington will save over $65M in a deal like that, Mr. Genius; and remember that they are under new management.

  5. listen up buddy u have no right to call anybody a fool u have no freaking idea wat the Wizards or Hornets will trade so listen up FOOL u arent a NBA genius u dnt kno wat any teams are thinking express ur opinion without makeing a jerk out of urself

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